Hello beautiful people,
The time has come to edit my two existing manuscripts for publication. Therefore, I will not be posting any new entries in the near future. Once the task is complete, do not doubt that I will be back in full force.
Until then.
Love, Peace and Light.
The ego has an agenda, as does the heart. They want very different things. This, I must remember as I sit down and write. The ego focuses on the end result; the heart is content with the process. In the moment, there can be no other way. There is no fear as I walk with the spirit. I am an image of poise and confidence. This, I achieve because I have let go. I am not in charge anymore.
This is one of the great paradoxes of creativity. When we try too hard, we interrupt the process. To try too hard is to believe at some level that you are going at it yourself. But never is this belief justified. It stops you from experiencing the magic. Real magic is the art of manifesting in the physical realm that which lies beyond that realm. This, I learned from Wayne Dyer. As Jesus turned water into wine and Moses parted the Red Sea, we all have the potential to work miracles in our own lives. This I know to be true. It is what I have experienced in my own life.
Some people say that those who write are too much in their own heads. Of this opinion, I disagree. The path to creativity begins first in the heart and then leads to the mind. Without this, there could be no clarity, no coherence, no love to be gained, no meaning to be understood. The pure mind understands what the heart gives birth to. Subsumed, it becomes powerful; Humble, it becomes graceful.
The most rewarding creative endeavours are never engaged in alone. They take place in the company of the spirit. A child is born to both a father and a mother. It can be no other way. The father impregnates the mother with the seed of potentiality. She then allows her nature to guide the process. The result is beautiful. Recognize here who the protagonists are. The father is the spirit; the feminine energy is the life force that pulsates through you. With this understand that you are merely an instrument for divine expression. Your life is not your own.
Every orgasm is a testament to God’s power, no matter what the form. Whether it is a procreative release in the body, or a revelatory thought in the mind, the realm from which they originate is the love that sustains us now. What we do with what we are given is up to us. We can either make it a blessing or a curse. God is not to blame for our decisions. Given this ability to write, I could choose to convey messages of hate and fear to the world. I could choose to confuse rather than to clarify. I could give the ego primacy over the spirit.
But who would I serve by doing this? Not those who carry my essence. I long only to fulfil my function. This is to love and unite. As creativity is expressed, so does the call to serve come. Intertwined so delicately as the fabric of the universe, it is one that cannot co-exist without the other. Love will forever have us move outward. Beginning in the realm of spirit, we then move to the realm of form. Empty as we allow it to consume us, we come not with empty hands, for bearing love, we bear gifts also. Imparting what we have been given by the spirit to share, we are then fulfilled and rejuvenated in its company.
Procrastination is my sin.
It brings me naught but sorrow.
I know that I should stop it.
In fact, I will – tomorrow!
This short poem by Gloria Pitzer is one that I can relate to very strongly, as I lay comfortably on my bed with my recharging laptop resting on my right leg. As I write this, it is 9 o’clock in the evening, and it has not been a productive day. Being a non-teaching day, it is one that I spent at home resting, reading and contemplating. Keeping the company of my book of the moment, ‘The Game’ by Neil Strauss, I have allowed it to keep me from doing what I know I must do. Dedicating the first three days of my week to preparing and writing my blog entries, it is what I had been putting off, as I struggled to find both the motivation and the inspiration to put pen to paper anything that I could be pleased with.
When it comes to writing, some weeks are better than others. It ebbs and flows like life. Sometimes I drift, sometimes I stand, and sometimes I fall. But it is all real. It is all me. I don’t know how many people read my work and I really don’t care. Well actually I do, but I never want that to affect how or what I write about. I cannot lie. A large part of why I write is for cathartic purposes. Like an alcoholic speaking up at an AA meeting eases the burden of their addiction, I write to cleanse my soul. In this, I am no different from the bulimic adolescent who offers a porcelain God the fruit of her shame. Purging is highly underrated. It is powerful, if only for what it allows you to see in yourself. This is the beauty and the ugliness; the spirit and the ego; the wake that is left behind. But this takes strength that I often don’t have. Going without this support, it is my vision that frequently abandons me as I forget to surrender. I can’t go at this by myself. Who am I kidding?
I have made a pact to myself that I will not go to bed until I have completed my three entries for this week. Enough is enough. I am lazy. I am a procrastinator. I am a coward. This is hard to hear. The truth hurts. It opens me up, it makes me vulnerable. But this is my journey.
I find it very hard to encapsulate with words my relationship with my writing. To some this may seem strange. To me it is not. Words are clumsy. They are liable to misinterpretation. Being the writer’s tools, they are his mode of expression. How they are used will make or break him. I flirt with disaster as I put pen to paper. The dance is not for the faint-hearted. There is much at stake for the one who cares so much.
I am no different from any other person. I need to be understood. My inner world is intense. It longs to be shared. Writing for me is intensely personal. It is something that I love to do, something that I was born to do, and I never feel more peaceful than when I am in a state of flow communicating my truth to the world. It is at these times that everything makes sense, when I can just leave things as they are and speak with my heart. Everyone feels this synchronistic freedom with something that they do. Whether it is gardening, painting, studying or dancing, we all hold the capacity to touch the essence of life in a moment. It is not complex, but the simplest thing in the world. It reminds us of what it means to be alive.
I want to live, I love to live, but all too often I allow my fear to get in the way. I sit down in front of my laptop, I try to summon the magic, and then I walk away. It is all too hard. Well not really. It is all in the mind, the blocks that is. They are what the ego uses to build the wall that keeps me in and my joy out. For me, the mind is so often an impediment to the heart’s expression. It speaks up, it distorts the music, and it would have you forget the silence that is the wellspring of creativity. The untamed mind does the ego’s work. It keeps you ignorant to your own source of power.
Each of us lives with a groupie that desperately desires to be where the action is. Wanting what the rich and famous of the world have, it is this part of us that yearns to run in the same circles and bask in the glow that is theirs. Desiring that aura for itself, it is the ego which orchestrates that movement to the external world where status, money and power are seen to be the currency of life.
With this, understand how the ego gravitates towards celebrity. Seeing in it the potential for wholeness, it is to its protagonists that it leads us to cling to. Finding strength and validation in their company, it is the parasitic drive for worldly power that is fed when we allow ourselves to become instruments for the ego’s sacrifice.
Telling us what we should want, we become a slave to its voice, if we do not separate its voice from our own. So many worship celebrity and strive for it without any conscious understanding of why they are doing so. Deeply conditioned by the programs that they watch and the magazines that they read, they live under the misapprehension that the celebrity life is the highest form of life that there is. But holding this belief they are not really living, for wanting always more, they are perpetually discontented.
The true essence of life is living in alignment with the spirit, but this we cannot do if we are relying on others as a source of our fulfilment. Searching for completeness in their company is like feeding a hungry wolf with an insatiable appetite. After everything else is devoured, it is us who are left feeling hollow and depleted by the chase for worldly success.
Life by its very nature is meant to be exciting, but we must not mistake genuine excitement for artificial excitement. Genuine excitement is what flows spontaneously from the heart that has made the decision to honour its call. Being generated from within, it is not something that one must look to the outside world for because the stimulation that it offers is far weaker in power than that of a burning desire to realize a purpose.
When we ask the outside world to get us excited about life, we are bound to be disappointed. This is because what we bring in is not aligned with the call of the spirit. Serving an artificial purpose, it does not resonate with who we truly are, and as a consequence we are not stirred into meaningful and purposeful action.
I know many people who never get much done because they are always searching for the next hit out there, rather than nurturing and nourishing the seed of greatness that exists inside of them. This world has too many cheap copies of great originals. By this I mean that there are too many people who are chasing celebrity for celebrity’s sake. Not knowing who they truly are, they fall into the trap of wanting what will not bring them joy and fulfilment.
The gifts of love can only be discovered in love’s presence. To try to uncover them in the company of the ego is a futile endeavour. That which the eye cannot see will remain hidden. Blinded by the ways of the world, it can be no other way.
A slave to the dream, we will continue to want, while missing the essence of what we already have. This, the ego ensures with its emphasis. Faithful to the world, we show no faith in the spirit. Serving one master we cannot serve another, for asking different things of us, they lead us down separate paths. Having only one face, it is either light or darkness that will be our guide. Inviting one, the choice is made; to discard the other, and let it fade.
Gossip is an insidious habit. Malicious in substance, it fractures relationships, and leaves its subjects out in the cold. Transmitting negative energy, it is like a potent virus that comes to infect those who are open to listening to it. Spilling from the mouth to the ear, it is a disease that contaminates as quickly as it creates attention for the protagonists to the drama.
With this, understand what the motivations of the ego are. Not able to handle peace, it will move you to create conflict, both in yourself and the outside world. Wanting to gain power for itself, it is through belittling and humiliating others that it seeks to achieve this aim. Desiring superiority in the mind, it seeks to create inferiority in the outside world. Projecting onto others the negativity that it generates, it is the fuel to the fire that inflames tensions between those who would otherwise co-exist in harmony.
Never can gossip embody reality because it stands opposed to the spirit. Fragmenting that which was created in oneness, it serves not a holy purpose, but a wicked one. Perpetuating themes of jealousy and fear, it is gossip that speaks loudly against love. Leading us to turn against those who we are called to embrace, we deny the eternal thread in them that the spirit would have us see in ourselves. Blind to this connection, we grow not wiser in heart, but more ignorant in mind.
I am always wary in the company of those who gossip because what my experience has taught me is that if they will tell it to you, then they will also tell it about you. Having no integrity, it is those who openly talk about others behind their backs who cannot be trusted. Not willing to pull back the veil of illusion in their own lives, they would rather pull others down to a level on which they feel safe.
What they fail to realize however is that the notion of safety that they subscribe to, is a false one. By putting others in small and hateful boxes, they also limit themselves, because they allow the belief in separation to deprive them of the energy that is needed if one is to create an extraordinary life. This is why those who have made gossip a way of life are so often to be found miring in mediocrity. Frustrated in their ability to realize their potential, they hide rather than shine; lazy in their habits, and not purposeful in their actions.
Great minds and noble hearts have not the time or the desire to speak ill of others, for they know that progress is undermined as love is denied. Empowered themselves in the company of the spirit, they wish only to lift others up to where they can discover their true greatness. Realizing that nobody can truly serve as they are left alone in pain, they are the facilitators of healing in those who have been harmed by harsh words.
In every moment, we can choose to speak kindly of others or disparagingly of them. Holding this power, we can change the world with our words. What is broken, we can fix with the mind that is connected to the heart. An instrument of divine expression, it speaks the truth, and not of lies on which gossip thrives.
Gossip girl, gossip girl, what more have you to tell; speaking ill for artificial thrills, and never wishing well.
Yesterday, while at a seminar, I encountered the original gossip girl. Escorting her sister to the day-long event, she cast a lonely shadow in the room full of people. Sitting next to me, I was at first curious about her energy. Promising so much, I thought that she may be someone I could grow with, if only for a day in this incubator which masqueraded as an amphitheatre.
Introducing myself to both her and her sister, I was glad to meet them both on this day. Being an event that I had been eagerly anticipating for the past two weeks, it was an experience that I looked forward to sharing with like-minded people. Waiting for the event to commence, I began to make small talk with the one who would quickly prove to be an experiment unto herself. Asking her whether she was familiar with the speaker, she said that she had never heard of him before.
Wanting to reassure her that she made the right decision in coming, I told her that the speaker was very good, and that we all stood to benefit from what he had to say. ‘I don’t really care about that’, she said indifferently. ‘I am only here because my sister wants me to be here. She is the one who needs his help. Her life is a complete mess.’ Surprised by her blunt assessment of her sister’s life, I turned to her sister with a look of disbelief and embarrassment on my face. Clearly hearing what had been said, I wondered what she must have felt like having someone that she loved pass judgment on her life like that.
Looking back at me for a moment before diverting her eyes to the ground in shame, I saw a pain in her eyes that told me that this was not the first time that her sister had acted in this way. Wanting in some way to ease her burden, I interjected with what I thought to be wise words, ‘You know sometimes, the world we see is not the world as it is.’ Not understanding the message behind the words, it was my closest neighbour who became defensive. Feeling the need to justify her assessment of her sister’s life, she promptly and unabashedly told me that her sister was stupid for making the decisions that led her to this point.
Looking at her incredulously, I cringed inside as she revealed to me that her sister had just been fired from her job for sleeping with a married man who was her supervisor. Thinking this to be too much information, I turned towards the stage in the vain hope that our knowledgeable speaker would magically appear to start the show. With the stage still empty, I felt the need to draw forth a response, but thinking this to be what the gossip girl wanted, I made the decision to say nothing at all.
Not wanting to give attention to her slanderous self, I picked up from my lap the documentation that I had been given upon my arrival at the venue. Thumbing through it in a manner that a senior government official might investigate a highly classified document, I was fooling nobody, as I sought to extricate myself from the realm of discomfort that this unsolicited candour had created. Not picking up on my desire not to engage her further, the gossip girl fired at me another shot which I can only imagine would have further wounded her sister deeply.
‘Can you believe that? What a tart to cheat on her boyfriend and sleep with her boss!’ Now this was really getting to be too much. Wanting to part from her noxious company, I looked around to the other sections of the venue in the hope of finding an empty seat that promised quiet and the absence of scandal.
Finding what I was looking for, I bid the two sisters farewell, but not before communicating to the one who was not possessed by the ego that I hoped everything worked out well for her, and that she found in the material something of lasting value. Bringing a smile to her face, I felt at peace knowing that in a small way, I had erased some of the pain that her sister had caused with her venomous words.
Gaining this insight into my behaviour, I received the gift of greater awareness as to what drove me to do what I do in the moment. So often we go about our lives in a coma, unaware at a conscious level that it is the things we are attracting in to our lives which offer a very powerful clue as to our inner state of being. What we think builds momentum and building this force, we are driven ever more powerfully towards what we do or do not want. With this, we have a very important choice to make in every moment. Do we choose that which brings us closer to our true nature, or that which distorts it in the mind?
I know that in my own life, it is when I am peaceful and contented within that the most wonderful people and circumstances show up in my life. Being what I have invited into my world with my thoughts, they are a reflection of my purest intention, uncontaminated by the twin evils of fear and doubt. Fearing and doubting with the mind, we will bring to ourselves more things to fear and doubt. This is the vicious cycle that we move through when we do not honour the natural call to be inspired by thoughts of love.
Just the other day, I was speaking to a female acquaintance whose story will be familiar to many of you reading this. Telling me of the abuse that she had suffered at the hands of her past boyfriends, she wondered when she would meet the man of her dreams who would treat her with love, dignity and respect. Not understanding what she had done to bring these abusive men into her life, she asked me if I had any insights to offer her.
Realizing that she was not cognizant of the way in which she had helped to define her relationships with men, I said to her that we get in life what we feel we deserve at the deepest level of our being. Hearing this, I could tell she was shocked, and responding with an indignatious tone, she said that she failed to see how she had brought the abuse on herself. Telling her to calm down, I assured her that I was not blaming her for the actions of others. But blame is different from responsibility, and each of us is responsible for the situations that we find ourselves in.
Distinguishing one from the other, this woman came to see that if she continued to abdicate responsibility in this area of her life then nothing would change for the better. Wanting to attract a man who was loving, caring and appreciative of her, she needed first to work on herself, and the fragmented self concept which had led her to attract the wrong kind of men into her life. Rather than seeking to change them, which had proved unsuccessful on every occasion, she needed to try something different. Listening to my input, she left with a lot on her mind.
Wanting more, the work is hers to put in, and in her struggle, I also see my own. Before any garden can be cultivated, the noxious weeds that choke the life out of its inhabitants must be removed. Left alone they will contaminate the garden, and what was created to flourish will be prohibited from doing so. The same goes for the mind. Toxic thoughts that are frequently entertained will suppress the spirit and its powers of manifestation. They are thus truly buds to be nipped. When you catch yourself having a negative thought, let it go. Every time you do this, you strengthen your power to create the life that you want. What you entertain need not control you, for you are in charge at the wheel. Change your thoughts, change your life.
It is undeniable that what we think with the mind, we give life to. Endowed with the ability to plot our course, it is the substance of our thoughts which will ultimately determine whether we create a masterpiece or an eyesore. Thoughts of love, prosperity and meaningful service will produce their equivalent in the physical world. Providing our inner life with an abundance of joy, it is this which will be visible to others who cross us on our blessed path.
At the opposite end of the spectrum, it is the storm that rages inside which brings into our lives the chaotic circumstances that we say we do not want. Not understanding the metaphysical connection that exists between the mind and the physical world, we are prone to suffer under the false belief that we are powerless in the face of life’s onslaught. Thinking this way about life, one assumes a victim identity, which says to the world that permission has been given to be taken over.
While living in London earlier this year, I had a breakthrough which taught me much about what I thought that I already knew. Walking down Camden High Street, I approached Sainsbury’s with food on my mind and money in my pocket. Desiring to satiate my hunger in the moment, my mind filled quickly with images of the assortment of goodies which would be on offer. Craving something sweet, I made my way to the confectionary aisle which was laced with lines of delectable treats.
Choosing two blocks of high quality chocolate to keep my stomach company, I paid for the goods with a spring in my step, anticipating their taste on the tip of my tongue. Striding towards the exit of the supermarket, I walked past a series of fruit and vegetables that did not fail to capture my attention. Stopping to stare at the unsolicited alternative, what came into my mind from beyond its confines was just the reason why I had chosen to compromise in a small way, the blessing which was my health.
Having just moved in to a Camden property which I shared with several other people, I had a lot on my mind. Needing to find work, I felt that time was running out for me in this new and wonderful world that I had yet to explore to any great degree. Wanting to stay put, I feared having to deal with the prospect of moving out before my adventure had really begun. Racked with fear, anxiety and doubt, I found my inner voice not to be the cornerstone of a stable universe, and allowing this voice to take me over, my role had become one of slave to my negative emotions.
Drawing the connection in my mind, I came to see what previously escaped me. Experiencing these harmful emotions which were born of the negative self talk which I had allowed to dominate my mind, it was only natural that I brought to my body that which would not serve it. Possessing a limited nutritional value, it was the chocolate which embodied my toxic state in the moment.
Calling me to examine my inner state, it was the work that I was unwilling to do. Preferring rather to indulge the senses, it was further into my fear that I allowed myself to be driven. Now motivated by guilt, I had another parasite in the mind which yearned to be fed. Desiring to express itself, it paradoxically also yearned to be medicated, so that what would remain hidden would be the enemy to wisdom’s coming.
Free of the fear, anxiety, doubt and guilt, I would have made a healthier choice. Sound health reflects a state of mind that is also sound. When you understand the law of attraction, you see that it cannot be any other way. The Bible says that as a man or woman thinketh, so shall they be. This is powerful wisdom. Simple, but yet profound, it teaches us of what our apathy for truth would have us forget.
It has been said that the number one need that a person has is for acceptance. This, I am not sure about. I tend to think that love is, and will always be, the primary need of every human being. But even as I say this, I do realize that the two are so closely intertwined that it is futile to try to place one above the other.
The very nature of love is to accept another unconditionally. It is to know another as yourself, and to be willing to look past what the ego has constructed in an attempt to fragment the identity that is mutually shared in spirit. With the heart being bound to the spirit, it is the meaning of acceptance that the mind cannot grasp alone. This is because acceptance is an experience, and not something that can be merely understood and conveyed with words.
Love is, as love does. It may use words to express itself, but it is acutely aware of their shortcomings. Love is wisdom, and wisdom is action. Therefore, we must move towards those whom we seek to embrace, if we would have them trust that our intentions are pure. Short of that, we will be viewed with suspicion by the same mind that recognizes not its equal in us.
So often, you hear of people who claim to be accepting of others, but when you really look at their behaviour, it is obvious that they are merely tolerating others rather than accepting them. With this, understand that tolerance is of the mind, while acceptance is of the heart. To tolerate another is not to accept them unconditionally. It is being willing to reach out to another in the company of the ego, but how can this ever be? Genuine reaching out can only be done in the presence of love, but the ego knows nothing about love.
Being the creator of love’s opposite, it is the ego which stands in the way of what love desires to accomplish. Extending its arms, it does so not to bring others closer, but to keep them at a distance from which they can be judged. Driven by the desire for superiority, this is all that it knows. With this, do not doubt that the tolerant are fearful. Obedient to their beliefs, it is their transparency which leaves them restless. Being less than knowledge, they are short on truth, exposed by love’s presence, as passing clouds on the spirit’s eternal landscape.
Truth demands that love express itself fully. Knowing it to be abundant, it is not what it desires to withhold. Love withheld is poison to the body. It gives the mind a false sense of control. By this, I mean that the ego asserts itself. Asserting itself, it would have you believe that tolerance is a virtue, but never is this the case.
Tolerance is acceptable to the degree that fear is useful. What we hold on to soon becomes an impediment if it feeds a reality that says what I see in the world is not a part of me. I know myself only when I walk in light, and taking this path I have seen what I can no longer accept. My world tells me to tolerate others. It says that walking under a different banner, they are entitled to dignity and respect. But I do not need the world to tell me this.
I have seen the light and I know that we are not different in any meaningful way. The banners that we hold up as reality are but illusions that prevent the image of spirit from shining through the cracks of consciousness. Black, white, Muslim, Christian, straight, gay, are but some classifications that form the wall, to keep the ego in and the spirit out. Once strong, it poses a risk of collapse in the minds of those who would have their heart rule. What leads to suffering and division is bearable no longer. Having its day, it is not what love cares to tolerate. Calling us to heal, it is what it would have us accept unconditionally in the time that is now.
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